A weblog of my most recent coding disasters... and a lot of other stuff.

For almost 10000 days I have tried to be the best person that I can be, but I have never once succeeded.

hahahahahahahahaaaaaa

hahahahahahahahaaaaaa

Let us know where we can find you if you have to go.

Let us know where we can find you if you have to go.

I’ve been coddling this idea for a while: a thought that, in a city, we walk by people that we could fall in love with every. single. day.

It’s never been love that prevented me from being with another person. I’ve loved plenty. It’s always been the question of whether not our being together would provide us with an opportunity to grow and flourish into people that we would be excited to be. The people with whom this is the reality are few and far between.

If you love a person with whom that mutual flourishing is possible, then all that’s left is the hard work. Love goes stale if it is not refreshed. If your partner is going to help you be who you want to be, and you can help them become who they want to be, it’s worth the extra effort to say the words frequently, write letters, talk lucidly, and bare it all.

Doing these things, through a trick of psychology, allows you to keep loving in new and exciting ways. Let your love loaf become croutons instead of stale bread. Make banana bread with those black bananas. Make cookies with that sour milk.

Psychology is a tricky poison, however. Save your effort for someone worthwhile, or you may end up more attached than you’d like.

tl;dr Love isn’t special, compatibility is. Work for it.

If I had let you go when you asked, maybe we’d be better now

I’ll have a moment that I want to share. I’ll reach for my phone. I’ll pick up my phone and turn on the screen. I’ll put down my phone and ache inwardly instead.

To-do:

Every Day:

  1. Make art.
  2. Consume art.
  3. Exercise my body.
  4. Speak to my loved ones.

As often as possible:

  1. Make love
  2. Make friends
  3. Cook meals
time is funny

time is funny

I like slow music now. Heart-wrenching tales of love and loss, a shining moment in the darkness. I used to listen to music without affect, but now the right chords make me swell with great sadness and longing. Saudade, the love that remains, a sadness for what was or what could be.